13 days Until I Murder the Goose (warning: explicit language)

The reason I bought two geese was so I could kill the mean one for Christmas (which ever that one turned out to be) and still keep the other as a guard-goose for my chickens.

However, on releasing the geese into my backyard, all hell broke loose. My chickens hauled ass in every direction and only came back when I physically carried them back to their coop.

The geese (who had been very quiet up until now) began squawking at about 120 decibels running in circles.

My dog didn’t know whether to chase them or hide… hell even the cat got loose and made a b-line for the neighbor’s yard. Thank God I’m not raising emu’s.

I put food and water in the enclosure and took my dog inside to allow everything a chance to calm the hell down. However, as night fell the two geese just stood in the center of the backyard. The temperature was dropping into the 20’s and I began to think that I might not have to kill the birds after all… since they were going to freeze to death anyway.

Jen and I decided we should just put the geese into their enclosure. So I calmly walked them into a corner (I was calm, the geese were freaking the hell out). When I finally caught the goose, it immediately calmed down and became as docile as a puppy… A PUPPY!

However, the other goose (for the first time) became aggressive and spread it’s wings and hissed at me to put his friend down. (note: these geese came from a flock of 40 but have somehow already become compatriots). It occurred to me, that I am not just going to kill a goose… I’m going to kill a goose who has a F***ING FRIEND! I started think of that scene from pulp fiction:

Jules: I don’t eat dog either.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rational, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we’d have to be talkin’ about one charming mother f***ing pig. I mean he’d have to be ten times more charmin’ than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I’m sayin’?

I took the goose in hand and shoved it into the enclosure… but it ran right back out.

Let’s try that again.

I caught the other goose and it became super calm too… these bastards know exactly what their doing!

Jen offered to hold that goose so I could catch the other one.

SIDE NOTE: the reason I have never bread my amazing German Short-haired Pointer (as originally intended) is because I know if my wife ever played with the puppies, I would end up with a house full of dogs.

So I handed her the goose but warned her not to pet it… and damn sure don’t look it in the eye!

I then grabbed the other one, whom resumed his cuddly demeanor – the prick!

Then we tossed them both inside the enclosure and covered the entrance.

I obviously began having second thoughts about the upcoming dinner. However, since I can’t keep two loud ass geese in my backyard and if I sell them they will still suffer the same fate, one of the those geese is still going to be on the Christmas table.

That was the end of day two.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s